Where to begin....

Since I left blogged, I found out my husband has been engaged in an affair. I am so confused and sad and angry and shocked. I love him. Although I wish I didn't. I think it would be easier if I didn't. I want to save our family, but sometimes the thought of him makes my stomach turn. Over all I am just struggling to make sense of it all. I am starting to realize that I am trying to make sense of something that has no sense or reason. Very difficult. Trying to focus on me and being a better person. I can't control him or changed his behavior or heart but I can learn about and care for myself.