Update

I have been having health issues. My periods have been crazy and not constant. I went to the doctor and they found a tumor. The biopsy came back negative. All my blood work (thyroid, sugars and such) are normal. My body has stopped producing hormones which explains the darkness that has been surrounding me. I have a follow up soon. I'll keep you posted. About my diet, I did GREAT for a few weeks then went on a trip and it all fell apart. Now I am back on the straight and narrow. I hope I keep up the good work. Food is the enemy. It calls to me when I am down and out. Food wants to comfort me but I need to find a new vice.

Mercy and Grace

It is no secret I have been struggling the past week or so. I just have so much anger and confusion trapped in side of my soul. I ran across a blog that I can't quit thinking about. Oh how I wish I could find the peace that the author of this blog has even after she faced such horrific outcome. If only... Until next time...

Dark Clouds

The dark clouds are trying to take over my mind, but I will fight. I may still be a little weepy. However, I will never give in to the darkness. It just isn't me. This happens several times a year. I have fought and won so many times. I know I can get through this too. I just need to hunker down and get ready because I don't think this will go away as fast as before. I feel too weighted down. I work at a dead end job for a state agency. I recently completed my degree and additional training to break out into a new field but I don't have any experience so I can't land a job. I really feel I am missing so much with my kids and I am stuck 8 hours a day in a cubicle prison truly dying to get out. I know I should be grateful for my job and life but right now I just don't have it in me. Rest assured that soon and very soon I will. Until next time.....

Friends or Foes

I need to go to the dentist. I have a tooth that has cracked. I hate going to the dentist. I never went as a child so as an adult every visit just means more and more work. For many years, I didn't have dental insurance so that became my excuse. Now I have good insurance yet still I find myself putting it off and putting it off. I read a book that made a correlation between hating dental work and abuse. I don't know why exactly I hate the dentist so much but I do. I am home with a sick kid today. I always feel so guilty when I need time off from work to care for my kids. I am not sure why I do, I just do. I work at a state agency and there is nothing I am responsible for the is life threatening. If I didn't do my job for weeks or probably even months, nobody would suffer severe consequences. However, that doesn't stop the guilt. My kids are my most important role yet why do I feel so guilty? Is it because I am the primary bread winner? Partially because of the rising cost of everything and not getting income increases in years (yes I said years,) I know that our family has smaller and smaller buying and savings power. We are becoming increasing closer to struggling. This drives me nuts. Both my husband and I work hard and take care of our family. We both have college degrees and have furthered our training. Yet we are slowly slipping one pay check at a time closer to not making ends meet. This is scary as you can imagine. I know if something did happen, we have people who care a great deal for us. It is odd because I have never been one to ask for help. I think friends and family would help but I don't know. I am scared to ever have to found out. I would rather just pretend they would, just in case they wouldn't. Until next time...