No Answers Here

If you came here looking for answers, I am sorry but I don’t have any. However, I can tell you what has inspired me to move and continue to move through the pain. Remember, I am not a counselor or therapist just someone who has a lot of on the job training. Please know that a step, even if it is small, is still a step. No one has experienced what you have. I read a lot online about people saying others abuse is/was worse than theirs. Please don’t compare. Your abuse was the worst thing you yourself have experienced even if someone had it a little better or worse. Don’t discount it. Over the years many things have help move me on my journey. I have been inspired by Dave Pelzer and his books, God, friends, nature, my children, my husband and many many other things – too many to mention really. An important part of this is to keep searching for what helps you. I wish I had the answer. Hell, I wish someone had the answer. Unfortunately, no one does. No one knows you like you. I have heard and read a lot about the abuse not being my fault- easy for others to say but hard for it to sink in. That is a tough one for me. I always think of the what ifs – what if I told that teacher or neighbor, what if I stood up to the abusers or what if I called a hotline. Then I remember I was a child. Those that were suppose to protect and care for me failed and failed miserably. If I would have done any of the things mentions above, it might have changed the ending but it would have never changed the fact that those who should have protected me failed. For this, I can not be responsible. I am responsible for what I do now. I can get up, laugh and smile even when it hurts. For me the smiles and laughter eventually have numbed the pain. I can blog about my thoughts and feelings. This provides a great release. I can stop the cycle of abuse. I know that my children will never experience what I have. I am trying to stop the silence as well although this one is hard. As you note I don’t write this blog under my own name. However, I am making small steps I am talking / writing about it. It is a journey; you must go step by step. There are no easy answers. Don’t settle. Move. Until next time…..