Parents

I spent some time with my mom over the weekend. I have come to realize she is very alone and scared. I could see it in her eyes. I just wanted to hug her and tell her the pain is difficult but releasing it creates a new beginning. You see, her father was abusive to her, her siblings, and her mother. Her father had many affairs on her mother. He would even tie her mother up and lock her in the closet. I don’t know where my mother was at the time but I suspect she was pretending it didn’t happen. She is the master at pretending things were different than they actually are. After my mom had married my father, my mom’s father came to her house and beat the crap out of her. My dad never defended her. I don’t understand how you don’t defend the people you love from such violence. From this and many other crazy events, my mom always felt stupid and insignificant - like nobody cared. It is not surprising that is exactly how I feel. She taught me my role and like everything in life I excelled. My father left when I was in the third grade or fourth grade. (He started to disappear for weeks on end when I was in the second grade.) He was taught this role by his father. His father left for the war and never came back. No, he wasn’t killed he just decided not to come home. His mother remarried and continued building her family with a new dad. His real dad and he eventually made contact but as you can imagine they never had a real connection or relationship. My father was just doing what he was shown when he left and never looked back. I forgave both my father and mother years ago. It would be easy for me to say they did the best they could but I feel that is a lie. I know first hand that they both could have made different decisions. I did. I just don’t see how the two of them raised me and I have it in me but they don’t. I’m just saying……